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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Then, I get a call from my boss. Ugh. He’s like, “We need to talk about the project.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a vibe!” But I can’t ignore him. So, I walk over to the park, trying to find a quiet spot. But it’s loud! Kids are screaming, music’s blasting. I’m like, “Why can’t I catch a break?”

Navy to establish tourist operation in Las Islas Marias, former penal colony